A Life Well Lived

Last week, we lost my mom.  After a three year battle with Alzheimer's, my mother's journey on earth ended and she peacefully went to heaven.  My mom lived an amazing life and as kids, we've always said that she lived the American Dream.  She was born during the Great Depression and was incredibly poor as a child.  She met and married my dad in the late 1950's and theirs was a great love affair.  Even when we were kids, we always understood how much they loved each other.  They worked hard and for their 25th wedding anniversary, took their first big vacation.  After that, they visited five continents and close to 20 countries.  Until Alzheimer's began to steal her from us, she loved to sing, bake and spend time with her children and grandchildren.  Click here for the link to the video we prepared for our parents' 50th wedding anniversary, more than 8 years ago.

Below is the text from the eulogy I wrote and delivered at her funeral:

Good morning. Thank you all for being here today to celebrate my mother.

Mom was born in 1936, in the heart of the Great Depression, and she had a difficult childhood. Her parents separated when she was a little girl, and my grandmother struggled to raise 2 young girls alone. At times, food and clothing were scarce and Mom began working at a very young age to help support the family. 

After graduating from St. Joseph High School for Girls in 1954, she took a job at the Telephone Company. In 1958, she met my father and as he tells the story, by the second date, he knew she was The One. They were married less than a year later. My parents’ honeymoon included a Giants/Steelers game and then Niagara Falls. I’m sure my mother thought that she had taken the trip of a lifetime – little did she know how things would turn out.

Mom and Dad settled in on Candia Road – buying the house next door to this church where my father still lives today – more than 57 years ago. Together, they raised the four of us – Michael, Kathleen, Joe and me. We all have memories of sharing a hot breakfast together every morning, taking homemade lunches to school every day and sharing family meals together every night. If one of us missed regular dinner time because of work or sports, mom always had a warm plate waiting when we got home and she would sit and keep us company while we ate.

Mom was a wonderful baker. Her bread and rolls won blue ribbons for years at the Deerfield Fair. Her baklava was famous; her fudge delicious; her blueberry pie considered second to none by family and friends; and her chocolate cookies were so good that my college friends affectionately called her “Mrs. O’Chip” instead of Mrs. O’Connor.

Mom and Dad had a great marriage. As kids, I’m certain that we didn’t fully understand their partnership but it had an impact on us. Their love left an impression, as they modeled for us what a good marriage should be like. The greatest evidence of their influence is that the four of us all chose such good partners when we got married. What a gift they gave us.

After many years of hard work, saving money and raising a family, mom and dad began taking trips together. Other people take vacations. My parents took trips.  

Two weeks in coastal California; two weeks in the southwest touring national parks; two weeks in Hawaii (twice); and three weeks in Alaska. And then, the real traveling began. A month in Japan and China; a month in Australia and New Zealand; weeks traveling through many countries in Africa; Ireland; the Canadian Rockies; Turkey; Greece; Israel; Germany; Poland; Italy; and years later, one final trip, to South Africa. In all, they traveled more than 200,000 miles together.  

And mom didn’t just visit these places – she EXPERIENCED them. She walked the Great Wall of China; fed a koala bear in Australia; pet a cheetah in South Africa; visited a former concentration camp in Poland; toured mosques and synagogues in Istanbul and Jerusalem; watched a pride of lions kill its prey on safari in South Africa; watched the sun rise from a hot air balloon over the plains of Tanzania; and walked ancient ruins in Athens. Thinking about her childhood, never could my mom have imagined all the places she would go and all of the things she would see and do. Truly, she lived the American Dream.  

In her final years, my mother suffered from Alzheimer’s. Although it is important to remember how she lived, not how she died, I would be remiss if I did not mention the toll that this disease took on not only my mother, but also my father and each of her children. We were, however, incredibly lucky. My sister Kathleen was with my mother every step of the way as she battled this disease and for that, and so many other things, we owe her a debt of gratitude. May you all be so lucky to have a Kathleen in your family. 

Ralph Waldo Emerson said “it is not the length of life, but the depth.” Mom lived fully and deeply. She loved each of us fully and deeply. She taught us how to love and how to live. We are forever grateful for her legacy and we will always carry her in our hearts.